Irresistible Love!

 I was never the queen, but you were born in the dirt

My best friend told me you are going to hurt

She knew I was self destructive

But I was trying to make my life productive

I didn’t like you but then I liked you

You are too intellectual, Oh cried you!

You are full of shit, your promises and lust

I never wanted to fall for you, but love is all so absurd

My best friend fucked 10 people

Love she didn’t find, what she made was a sequel

I took her path and traced the white horse

You were sitting on it to make it worse

I was blind but you were the asshole

Never admitted what you wanted, made my life a black hole

You trapped me in your false pretense

But I always knew you make no sense

I was all tired and torn to find a new one

You took me for granted because I gave you the Reason

I knew, I knew everything, I am too sharp

But the pain of loneliness made my life parched

I lied to my brain, I lied to my everything

That was the mistake, I made when the love was missing

Mother of an old friend told me to move on

“Your investment will expire long before that moron”

I follow the crowded roads

To find myself lonely

I wear my mother’s black shawl

To repress my monster’s growl

All the men including you made me a psychopath

I am not sure of my intentions, neither of my wrath

I live in the house, seven nine seven

And crave for the solitude, of heaven

Painstaking I am with a curse of procrastination

I have fucked up every approaching destination

My philosophy, my morals, my ethics, my shit

I feel so fucked up when idle I sit

Best friend told me I am better than any human she has seen

But no one else is this nice to me and has never been

Maybe I will stick to her

 And you can live life of a motherfucker!

Pseudo-Color!

At what moment in the time of your life you are convinced that you make a difference to someone’s life? To anyone’s life?

You know you are constructing everything precisely, you are chasing all the laws and ethics of being in relationship with friends lovers and family and also sentient of what is wrong. Maybe more than you need to. But in spite of everything moralistic, why have you been godforsaken from every person around you. You know how to talk, how to write, how to look good, how to walk, how to crack interviews and how to make people feel good with all your humorous, witty and expressive intents.

Then what goes wrong when you meet people? Do you suppress your shadow over your own unreal image that it paralyzes the eyes of the beholder that he falls into the false puzzle and assemble up all the strange pieces of your picture and leaves you all incomplete without any guilt?

But you were going all right, you knew what to utter, you did what society assumed you should do, you didn’t listen to your huge sense of self as per their bid. Nevertheless why are you the one still miserable?

Did you not understand the terms and conditions of life or you are just awful at everything? Everything that relates to revealing your real senses to the real world, do you never make efforts or you just fail everytime that counts. Even after rubbing kohl daily in your eyes, why have you never drew the perfect lines and coils?

Are you amateurish in the matter of life and relationships? Or you are just very ill-fated? Everyone is getting everything it seems except you. What is wrong with you, are you the one who you fear? A nonentity? 

FEMINISM!

I dread writing about feminism but today I somehow got something inside me that says I should scribble down some words. I am not going to say much because so much has already been said by so many people. Let me state things very clearly into steps because I don’t want to write much and people are anyways going to call me a hypocrite.

Ø  Men follow Feminism too. (for those who don’t know)

Ø  It doesn’t only value women but also respect men’s opinion.

Ø  You do not need to force feminism on someone to make them respect you. It is possible that you have done hateful things. And maybe everybody does not like to follow this mainstream word to show that they know how to respect a woman. Maybe they just have the issues with mainstream stuff. It is okay, they are human. DO NOT FORCE.

Ø  Respect men, they have issues too. Respect women, because you should and many of them are literally just bolder and stronger than man. It is okay to accept that sometimes women are stronger than man.  DON’T JUDGE!

Ø  Men do cry and it is okay to cry. You are human. We are not competing over who cries much. Men or Women.  Both cries, we know okay. I won’t tell anyone but I know.

Ø  Feminism means not to look at someone with stereotypical propagandas. A woman who doesn’t like to cook shall not cook and it should be accepted and not judged. If a man likes to cook, he is not a women, not gay, neither weak nor stupid. He is just human, I am repeating, He is human. They can like anything.

Ø  A right to wear anything, look like anything is just a simple right. Don’t brag it into feminism. Men can wear anything. Women can wear anything. We don’t care unless you want us to.

Ø  If you wear inappropriate clothes in a shady area in night, then I am sorry I won’t call you very intelligent. I know you are allowed to wear anything but being practical is awesome sometimes. Try it. I know every woman faces a lot of things in her daily life, I am a woman too and I also don’t care what society says about our clothes. But don’t wear those clothes; not because they don’t want you to, but just because you shouldn’t at that place and at that time. You can’t change people by going against them, believe me.

Ø  Since when do we need to teach other how to respect? I guess if feminist has brought necessary things to limelight, it has also brought with itself the foolhardiness. Stereotyping has been in society for a long time and if you want to change things, have some patience. Because that’s not how you change things.

Ø  I bet people are going to disrespect and hate each other even after accepting feminism. Because they are humans and it is their nature to not like someone sometimes. It is okay humans.

Ø  Before bragging about feminism, try to accept humanism. Try humanism. It is nice you know. Be a fucking human, a nice human. And you will then, won’t need, any other theory.

*There are loads of things I have not written, because I think you are aware of them. You know why we need feminism; you know what is happening with women in society and how men judge sensitive men. I know you know, I wrote what you have forgotten or misunderstood. Feminism is not only for women, it is just respecting or valuing each other’s opinion.  We both suffer, there is no competition, men and women are not two separate political parties. We are just humans.*

The Hunt!

I never was a definition of confined boundaries, bundles of arguments I kept in the silent corners of my brain so that no one could hear. I always knew it will take me more time than normal to reach even at the edge of my destiny but I never knew how difficult it will be for me to hold myself together to move onto the right path. Everywhere that I have been to, every corner I have searched, every goal I have ever set, everything that I have ever done; has left me in the pit of question marks.

Am I Doing Right?

Does everyone think this much? And thinks like me?

But all I heard was nothing. Nothing at all has ever been said in return.

The black hole of my eye is darker than it can ever be. The questions are still sitting on my shoulder, weighing them with their force of reality.

What is my purpose? Why am I here? What am I Doing?

These are the only words my brain seems to never escape, even though I’d never admit but I chant them too. It feels like I have this gateway to enter the territory of ‘peace’ which demands these answers. Not only has that broken my heart but also the loneliness given by human beings, that constant need of isolation which offcourse seems like a paradox here and the longing of love.

All those dozens of relationships I packed in vain have just given me pain; the feeling of being a lover of no one existing is sometimes almost unbearable. But I am strong! Atleast I can pretend I am. Atleast my intelligence is still with me to help me with my futile acting.

The child in me has never been a child, even if it has been in moments; it was never free. I believe I am a born lover except my love was killed long ago by the mother I am born to. I do not mind that anymore except that I no longer have the audacity to fall in love or to appreciate love.

It’s not that I do not make any efforts; it is all that I fail terribly and destroy my image by being arrogantly desperate in my own eyes. I am making this constant psychological pattern of failing in getting the desirable, but after every failed weapon all I am left with my miserably beaten patience. This has become a fucking game of life, I have no justified reason to give to myself that why I am doing everything and why has everything that I do not desire has happened to me. I am done with all the equations and explanations people and family throws at me, I don’t want to listen anything anymore, I do not want any fruitless story, I want answers and love. And I will then, within my crafted zone, find Peace! 

She Said!

My love! She screamed to my name…

Come to me… You have always been away even when you were here…

Is something immoral I did? Or you have lost your sanity?

Don’t you love me no more? I can still make you laugh! I am funny you remember?

There is a lot I need to reveal to you… I know you know all but that’s not enough…

It has been a long since we have done ‘nothing’ together

I have these futile lovers that I try to fall for, but you know you have all the keys to my heart

Have lost them?  

Don’t you find me charming no more? I now dress like the way you have always wanted me to

I fill my eyes with kohl… but you don’t see!

I cry with the dying rose everyday, do you remember those days of ecstasy?

I miss your soothing flesh and the smell of your skin…

Do you remember nothing of me?

I dream about you, but I don’t sleep!

I still wait for you at the bench of my local park

Will you come? Will you come to meet me? Sit with me?

Will you? Love me? 

That ride and my world!

That impression on my skin was striking up my psyche without him begin aware of, he geared up his motorbike and took revenge on roads for being conscious. It was a dirty rainy day and neither I was in love but all I was feeling was love of panorama spreaded all around me. So beautiful my mother earth is, the green, the blue, the red, the pink, the laugher, the air, the water, the sand, the wood… everything pierce in you a gap to make home for itself and sulk everything in.

The air and rain eating my face melted me somewhere inside but I don’t know where… but it was somewhere deep I am sure. I was clutching his jacket tightly and all I was thinking of the wrinkles I am going to leave on him. Maybe everything leaves impression on you without you being aware of its existence.

No matter how cheerless I feel in my brain, the pieces of happiness find me from some corner of the world but I have no idea what does my brain has to do to seize in peace without asking. That soul of mine is longer making any effort to help me in feeling anything and all it tries to give me borders of everything but never teaches me where they end. And in the end I am only left with some eternal and bold border lines in my hands without any perpetual angle determined for them. 

Absurd!!

Penalized I was, baleful hunting

Hurt I was, global spurning

Blind I was, self righteous thinking

Alone I was, ridiculous idealizing  

 On heights I was, sacrificed loving

Of beloved I was, not a soul existing

 Happy I was, disregarded mourning

In senses I was, eternal deadening

Psychopath I was, the history emerging

Who I was? Flesh that is breathing?